He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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