Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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