it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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