After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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