i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
