Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
