he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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