I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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