I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
