i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
