look no pants
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
