He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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