Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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