THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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