Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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