Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
