Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.