best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on