i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped