remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
