Betty ford says i'm here all night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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