I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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