I have demons in me.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
