Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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