I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
