Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
