Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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