my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
