She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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