Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You smell like stripper and shame
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
