I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
