oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
