I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
