hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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