i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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