He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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