my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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