I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it glows. i had to have it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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