why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
