I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
