so explain again why im purple
no
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
