woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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