He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just pee around me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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