Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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