don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
