I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
