# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
