I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
