Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
