i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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