I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
In America we eat man semen.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
