The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
