matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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