would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
