Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
