They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
