There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
