I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
