You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
