They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
