i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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