We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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