she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
