Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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