oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have feelings that need drinking.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
