It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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